and we both know hearts can change
by The Cinder Crown
Summary: "Why can't I love you both?" - "Because that's not how it goes." Or Harry and Hermione walking the fine line between friends and lovers :: Harmony.


**and we both know hearts can change**

* * *

_**... it starts like this… **_

We have known each for Merlin knows how long. Admittedly, our start was a bit rocky… but eventually, the three of us became the best of friends. I cannot imagine how our school years would have turned out if we had gone separate ways.

Contrary to common believes, it was you who taught me how to play quidditch – not that I enjoyed it, but I valued the time we spent together practicing. In the end, I preferred watching you play for Gryffindor instead of playing myself. We both earned house points differently, after all. And soon, our friendship grew stronger, we fought our enemies together and the little moments became even more important. Within time, my heart always started to skip a beat whenever you flashed one of these smiles at me… oh how I loved it to just have you around.

_**... it continues like this… **_

We both grow older, and soon, I heard the news. I still remember the day when our blonde friend ran towards me; blue eyes wide and almost out of breath.

"They moved in together!" Luna cried as soon as she came to a stop right in front of me. "Harry and Ginny! They finally moved in together!"

This time, my heart contradicted painfully. A picture of Harry appeared right before my eyes – his hair messy and his emerald eyes shining with happiness – and how, all of a sudden, a beautiful red-haired goddess popped up next to him – taking his hand and tearing him away from me in way I never could.

I shake my head heavily, trying to get rid of the images… of Ginny, the most beautiful woman in the Weasley family – and probably in the whole world – and with whom I can never compete with.

Especially since – despite all the jealousy – I really like her. She's one of us, fought with us side by side in the final battle and she would have given her own life to save the people she loves. And no matter how hard I try to hate her… she's good for Harry. She makes him happy.

I take a deep breath, and brush a loose strand of my bushy brown hair back behind my ear.

"They better invite us for the housewarming party," I force myself to say, and even I am surprised by how natural my faked laugh sounds.

_… **and it goes on … **_

It takes me some time, but eventually, I move on.

I still see Harry; at the Burrow, at the Hogwarts where we both lecture from time to time and every other week in 'The Traitor' – our favourite pub that Pansy Parkinson established after she had served her 12 month sentence after the war.

Surprisingly, Ginny has never really been fond of the place; partly because it's kind of dark and dusty inside but mostly because she's busy with her career at the Holyhead Harpies.

Occasionally, the red-haired witch jumps over her own shadow and skips practice. Not really that often, but even I have to admit it's kind of nice to have her around. Besides, Ginny is usually surrounded by Merlin knows how many men, so Harry and I usually just watch, bet on who's trying to hit on her next, and laugh when one men after the other gets turned down.

One night, he smiles at me, and holds up his glass.

"May this friendships never fades, Hermione."

"Cheers," I say, and return his smile. He's right. I don't know what I would do if Harry were to disappear from my life. We've been through too much in our lives to throw something like this away.

Well, at least that's what I thought back then.

.

Soon, I joined all the other happy couples on could seven.

I still don't know how we did it, but after our kiss in the chamber of secrets, Ron and I gave it another try at a second start for a relationship.

Surprisingly enough, I was the one who kissed him first this time around – back at his house, right there on the front porch. At first, he looked shocked, but eventually he kissed me back. Month of supressed feelings finally resurfacing.

We had a nice time together and I got along splendidly with his parents and friends. After all, I have been considering them family for as long as I've known them.

But still, deep down, there was this weird feeling that I couldn't quite shake off. A feeling that somehow resurfaced whenever I was around Harry and Ginny.

Jealousy.

Some part of me longed to be treated like Harry treated Ginny. These kind, but lovely gestures, like him brushing a strand of hair back behind her ear. Or him giving her a chaste kiss on the forehead before he headed off to get another round of drinks for us at the bar.

Yes, I longed for something as simple as having someone hold my hand in public.

Ron never did that. I think, even now some of his closer friends never knew we were a couple.

So one day – after an exhausting week at the ministry – I just broke it off.

And it felt good.

.

After the break up, a lot of people asked me if I was alright. I didn't mind these questions – it showed me that they cared.

What I couldn't stand were phrases like: "How is it possible that a girl like yourself is still single?" or "You seriously don't have a boyfriend?"

It was in times like these when I apparated straight to Harry's place – a couple of wine bottles in my bag – to watch a hockey game on a muggle TV.

"It's not like they're wrong, you know," I say, put my drink down on the table and look out of the window to watch the sunset. "I'm good on my own, you know that, but sometimes, I kind of wish I had someone to share my life with."

"Mione," Harry says and puts one of his strong arms around me. His voice is kind, and soft, but serious. "You are a wonderful woman. _Any_ man would be happy to call you his girl. You understand me?"

_… **eventually, things turn out like this… **_

I open my eyes slowly. Partly due to the terrible headache and partly due to the sunlight that shines through the windows which is blinding. It takes me a few minutes to adjust.

Then I look around – and my heart jumps a beat.

Clothes are carelessly thrown all over the room. Pillows are on the ground and the sheets are rumpled.

With shaking hands, I lift the blanked and look at myself. _Naked_.

I almost jump when I hear someone snore next to me. I move my head to the right and swallow hard.

Flashbacks from the previous night float through my mind and my heart beats faster and faster.

The two-year-victory anniversary party at '_The Traitor'. _

The music.

The dancing.

The drinking.

The kissing.

Harry kissing me. Taking me to his place since Ginny was away for yet another game.

Him carrying me to the bed, taking my clothes of, confessing his feelings for me and asking to keep this to ourselves.

And I agreed.

A wave of guilt hits me, followed by the longing to throw up.

Within seconds, I put on my clothes, search for my bag, take out the lipstick and write a short note for Harry on a tissue.

Then I leave without another word.

.

Since there's no lecture to be held at Hogwarts, we don't see each other for a couple of weeks.

I was nervous when I found out Ron's father was having this big celebration with the family. Harry was family. An so was I – after all, Ron and I luckily ended our relationship on good terms.

And the evening went well.

I still feel guilty about everything, especially since Ginny and I have started a project concerning Hogwarts, the Ministry and the Harpies…

I try not to think about what we did – what I did.

For the time being it's working, and she gives me a tight hug before she leaves and kisses Harry lovingly. Then she walks over to Arthur and thanks him that Teddy can stay at his house over night.

"Like there was a time when I didn't allow Harry to stay, my dear," her father replies and takes another sip of his wine. "Have a nice trip to Paris and good luck with the game."

So Harry stays at the Burrow.

When the party comes to an end, I find him sitting outside the house on one of the swings with a beer in his hand.

I join him.

"This ain't easy for me you know," he confesses. He's drunk, but as far as I know, little kids and tipsy people always tell the truth.

"You think it's easy for me?" I ask and sit down on the swing next to him.

"Well, I have to live with _it._ Ginny's my girlfriend."

I raise an eyebrow. "And she's my friend!" I reply a bit outraged. I take a deep breath and try to calm myself down. "I'm sorry… It's just… It's not easy for me either, okay?"

Harry nods. "I'm glad we're still friends," he says, and looks at me and I know he feels the same relief I do.

"Me, too. I value our friendship too much to let something like that night destroy it. So let's just never mention it again, shall we?"

He agrees and for a moment, we just sit there in silence.

"You know what's the worst thing about it?" he eventually asks.

I turn my head to look him in the eyes. "That we have to live with our guilt?" I ask.

Harry shakes his head and stares ahead in the distance. "No," he whispers. "I love Ginny, but _this_, you know, our night… I don't regret it."

My heart contradicts painfully – with a mixture of guilt and shame, but also a spark of happiness and relief.

"Yeah, I get that feeling," I answer and give him a small, reassuring smile. "Part of me doesn't regret it either."

_… _**_it ends like this ..._  
**

As usual, game nights end when the morning sun rises. The kitchen looks messy, some cards are still on the table, three empty bottles of wine show that the evening was a success.

Ginny had preferred to spend a night out with her girls, Neville got picked up by his girlfriend around midnight and Luna was the last who left about an hour ago.

Leaving only Harry and myself in the kitchen, using his muggle-music box to listen and dance to our favourite songs.

When it's my turn to pick a song, Harry beams at me when he listens to the first tunes.

_... When I look into your eyes, I can see a love restrained,  
But darlin' when I hold you, Don't you know I feel the same … _

Then he reaches out, takes my hands in his and swings along to the rhythm.

_... Nothin' lasts forever__, __And we both know hearts can change  
__a__nd it's hard to hold a candle__, __In the cold November rain ... _

My heart is beating, my whole body is shaking when I lay my head down on his chest – inhaling the scent of his aftershave.

Then he lifts my chin. We look into each others eyes and before I can stop my self, our lips meet in a heated kiss.

My hands wander around his neck, he encircles my waist with one hand, opens the door with another and leads me to the spare bedroom.

I fall down right upon him and he pulls me closer.

"Harry," I breath and force myself to leave some distance between us. "We can't…"

His eyes are begging. "Please, Hermione. Just this one night."

I shake my head and try to hold back the tears. "You've got Ginny. And I would give anything to have this kind of relationship."

He gives a small snore. "We're not as happy as we seem…"

I swallow hard, but resist the temptation. "Still, you love her. Hold on to it." I say, even though the words feel like a sword running right through my own heart.

"I – I want you, Mione."

I take a deep breath. "No. I can't do this. _We _can't do this. Not again."

Harry rolls his eyes. "We already did it once. What difference does it make?"

A tear rolls down my cheek. "She's my friend. It makes a difference," I whisper. "I don't want to feel any more guilty than I already do."

We're both silent for a moment.

"Why can't I love you both?" Harry asks, desperation swinging along in his voice.

I roll off him, re-arrange my clothes and give him one last chaste kiss on the lips. "Because that's not how it goes," is all I say before I run into the garden with tears streaming down my face.

* * *

**.**

**ASSINGMENT #11:** Voodoo magic: The Loa task #4. Write about someone who loves more than one person. (Restriction: Cannot be familial or platonic love)

**Words**: 2.166


End file.
